Musings

Do you ever have those moments in life when you just want to be someone else?

Yeah, me too...

Sometimes I feel so torn. I want to see the world, but I also just want to settle down and not have to deal with the money/time/trouble/stress that goes along with wonder/wander-lust.

Sometimes I wish I had a niche in life. So many places come so very close, but never quite close enough. My Christian friends understand most of me, but then my friends in biology and conservation understand that part of me that my Christian friends never have. It's hard to be a liberal conservative environmentalist Christian zoologist.

Sometimes I just feel bipolar.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be free to be completely me. But then I wonder if that 'me' is actually my old self that needs to be pummeled by the Holy Spirit.

And yet the more time I spend doing nothing, torn between two worlds, the less I get done and the lazier and more apathetic I become.

I don't know who said it first, but someday I want this to fully be my anthem, instead of just a part of it:

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals...