13 December 2009

Do you ever have those times in life when Murphy's Law almost applies perfectly?
I'm in the middle of one of those times.
I'm not sure if I've ever been quite so miserable or so desperate in my entire life...

Daddy's laying in a bed, a floor above me, hardly able to talk, right side still paralyzed, and his bowels aren't working. I know the doctors are busy, but I feel like they could at least fix that last one... he hurts and can't do anything about it. He hardly eats or drinks, and doesn't seem to care. Is his brain just not working well enough to remember how much we need him right now?

Mommy is freaking out on average 5 or 6 times a day. She just starts talking about what needs to be done, and how to afford it, and 9 times out of 10 concludes that we'll have to sell everything and move away. She's also forgetting things from day to day, and it's really hard to convince her that things are being taken care of. I don't know if I have the strength to take care of both parents. All the friends and family are wonderful, don't get me wrong, but at the end of the day it's down to Alana and me to make things happen.

If Daddy makes it through this he'll be coming home in 4 weeks, and 'home' still needs to be finished. The house has the drywall up at least, but all the details still need to be done. I know their church is going to finish it for us, and Grandma's paying for it all, but that's such a blow to Daddy's pride, that it kinda hurts. I mean, it's been pretty much only Alana, me, and him building this house for 2 years.

It looks like I'll have to quit my job, and try to find a job in Pullman or Moscow. I'd forgotten how incredibly hard those are to come by! And quite honestly and selfishly, I don't want to quit my job, I don't want to move back home, especially not to a home that doesn't exist. I don't like being homeless...

Okay, that's my little rant of misery

God is still bigger, even when I have literally had the worst week of my entire life

2 comments:

Brooke said...

oh, goodness...I'm very glad you're staying here tonight...and I'm very glad we got to talk for a bit...and I love you - and I'm praying for you with this all this intervoew craziness and conflicting feelings...and yes, God is still bigger.

hangeth thou in there

patti said...

My, I realize how hard life is right now but we must put our faith in our gracious heavenly Father to help us through this tough time. He wants us to cling to him and put our TRUST in his loving arms. This is what we must do, it's the only option we have now. Keep encouraging your Mom as I know she needs it desperately!! Hugs to you...