24 December 2009

Merry Christmas

A rehabilitation center in Spokane seems an odd place to reflect on the birth of a baby over 2000 years ago, but I've never claimed an exactly normal life...

Ever since the day when time began God has been outside of it. It's like He's been looking down on a physical, emotional, spiritual time line that includes our lives, and the lives of billions upon billions of other lives. That said, you realize that even before Adam and Eve sinned, God could see what the consequences would be, and was already viewing these consequences, playing an enormous part in them, and guiding all the people involved in his plan to fix things that hadn't even happened yet (in our minds, that is).

Thinking about that is quite the mind trip...

That said, God the Father knew the pain that He would have to inflict on His son, and the Son knew full well the consequences of becoming flesh and dwelling among us. But He came anyway. He cared that much about our sorry souls... I should probably stop using the word 'love' so lightly, when it was for love that God became one of us.

And then think, if God had wanted to, He could have been born a prince, in a comfortable palace, and conquered the world, made the nations bow down in fear and awe of His miracles and power. But after reading the Bible a couple times, I realize that our God reserves shock and awe for only the most desperate of times. So instead of coming in power and might, He came as a Jewish refugee born in a dirty stable surrounded by smelly animals and dirty straw. I might ask why, but then if I really think about it, I have to conclude that He was born and lived the way He did in order for us to actually apply the concepts of faith and trust. It wouldn't be too hard to believe in a conquering hero who took out the Roman empire. A humble, carpenter turned rabbi who never left His small corner of the world on the other hand...

Why do we only think about these things when Christmas rolls around? What God did is a pretty mind-blowing, awe-inspiring, worthy-of-worship thing to do. I think I need to get my head out of this little self-righteous and pitiful world that I am so comfortable in, look around me, and remind myself and the world that the God of the universe, who is outside of time, who is true love, who is true justice, squeezed himself into the restraints of time, became a man, and dwelt among us...

Thanks doesn't seem to cut it

I feel so small when I think about this

I'm sorry Lord, for my part in your pain, but thank you, thank you so much, and Happy Birthday

23 December 2009

Want one!

Dumbo rats: only 5 bucks at the pet store up the street


22 December 2009

Things are not going well.
I didn't get the job I wanted/needed.
My mom and I don't get along; we never have.
I can't talk to the one person who understands me.
I hate my life right now.
etc. etc. whine whine whine.
And don't try to encourage me, it won't help.
I have hope that things will change



God is bigger

I hope it snows this week,
A snow flake on your cheek
Would make this Christmas so Beautiful
But that would just bring the pain
Cause things can’t stay the same
These Holidays won’t be wonderful

I look under the tree
But there’s nothing to see
Cause it’s a broken heart that you’re giving me

I don’t wanna talk
I’m sick of all this talking
A broken heart wrapped up in a Box
There's tear drops in my stocking

I hate Christmas parties,
They offer me some punch,
But I just shrug
I hate Christmas parties
You and the cookie tray
Hear me say "Ba! Humbug"

21 December 2009

Jingle Bells

I want a Christmas tree this year, but I won't get one.

I hope I get that vet tech job... I think...

Have you ever felt coldhearted and cruel because you don't feel much stir in your soul when you see pain, suffering... even death?

If this doesn't break me, what will? Do I even want to know?

It is possible to be happy and sad at the same time, when it pertains to completely different circumstances.

Howl's Moving Castle is a marvelous movie. And so is Avatar! I do believe both deserve a second watch.

Apparently heretics listen to hip hop. Who knew?

I wish I had an oven to bake Christmas cookies.

Victoria's Secret makes wonderful underwear. But you most certainly did not hear that from me.

My dad still snores. Some things never change.

My phone is having a mid-life crisis... or late life. How long do krazors live?

The fan in Artemis is flipping out. Perhaps it's time for a new computer.

Worried brows and pitying glances do. not. help. Hugs and distractions, on the other hand...

Why do men who work in construction take one look at me and assume incompetent? I'll have you know, buddy, that I could practically build my own house!


I'm fine! How are you?!

13 December 2009

Do you ever have those times in life when Murphy's Law almost applies perfectly?
I'm in the middle of one of those times.
I'm not sure if I've ever been quite so miserable or so desperate in my entire life...

Daddy's laying in a bed, a floor above me, hardly able to talk, right side still paralyzed, and his bowels aren't working. I know the doctors are busy, but I feel like they could at least fix that last one... he hurts and can't do anything about it. He hardly eats or drinks, and doesn't seem to care. Is his brain just not working well enough to remember how much we need him right now?

Mommy is freaking out on average 5 or 6 times a day. She just starts talking about what needs to be done, and how to afford it, and 9 times out of 10 concludes that we'll have to sell everything and move away. She's also forgetting things from day to day, and it's really hard to convince her that things are being taken care of. I don't know if I have the strength to take care of both parents. All the friends and family are wonderful, don't get me wrong, but at the end of the day it's down to Alana and me to make things happen.

If Daddy makes it through this he'll be coming home in 4 weeks, and 'home' still needs to be finished. The house has the drywall up at least, but all the details still need to be done. I know their church is going to finish it for us, and Grandma's paying for it all, but that's such a blow to Daddy's pride, that it kinda hurts. I mean, it's been pretty much only Alana, me, and him building this house for 2 years.

It looks like I'll have to quit my job, and try to find a job in Pullman or Moscow. I'd forgotten how incredibly hard those are to come by! And quite honestly and selfishly, I don't want to quit my job, I don't want to move back home, especially not to a home that doesn't exist. I don't like being homeless...

Okay, that's my little rant of misery

God is still bigger, even when I have literally had the worst week of my entire life

06 December 2009

This is too surreal

This happens to other people

Not the Brunners
Not Daddy

Dear God, please, I still need him


And I'm not who I thought I was, 24 hours ago

I wanna see miracles
To see the world change
Wrestle the angel for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And you're raising the dead in me

Life really is not what I thought it was 24 hours ago

Identity crises are not fun, if this can even be called an identity crisis
It's more like a life-goals crisis

I've always known that I wanted to work with animals, ever since I was 4 years old
But now that I've graduated and done what I thought was my dream
It turns out that it's not
I want something else, something more, something that satisfies at a deeper level

I get this feeling that God did not create me for mediocrity
And that scares me a little bit

There's this

Then there's this

And then there's this...

Father in heaven, please show me how to live the third option... I want to take care of all the orphans, not just the animals anymore. Please show me how!

02 December 2009

The Wheel Turns

Just sitting on the couch, enjoying my last cup o' tea as a 21 year old. Crazy. Also enjoying a slice of my b-day cake, a bit early. I figure since I made it, and I'm going to be exploring the island tomorrow, I may as well have a slice right now. Soooo tasty :) I wish y'all could try a piece! Flour-less chocolate cake is officially up there with carrot cake.


And now off to bed so that I can roll out at 4:00 to watch the sunrise over Haleakala. It's gonna be great! Thank you Lord for allowing me to reach another year and for teaching me that you're always bigger. 21 was hard, but it was good :)

29 November 2009

A nice warm cup of tetley on my desk
Pumpkin spice candle lit and making my room smell yummy
Christmas music playing quietly
'I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams...
A beautiful rainstorm pounding on the roof
Rain pouring off the hapu'u ferns outside my window
Contemplating forgiveness, bitterness, and singleness

I think that if I could actually figure out how to truly forgive people, I might have an easier time understanding how God could possibly forgive me.

I don't want to be bitter, or cynical for that matter, but it's coming easier and easier to me each time another good friends starts dating or gets engaged.

In my close circle, there aren't a lot of single ladies left, and for some twisted reason, that makes me sad.

I try to believe that being single gives me the chance to please God, and God only. It works, most of the time. But the other part of the time I'm just lonely. And the smidgen of time left, I'm just freaked out and don't know what I want.

I sometimes wish things would just stay the same, but they're changing so quickly it makes my head spin.

God, I need your grace so that I can give it. You were hurt more than I could ever be, and yet you still overflowed with mercy and grace; let me mimic you. Let me rejoice with those who rejoice.

I think it's now time for Muse.

26 November 2009

70 degrees, sunny, green, and a light breeze coming in the door... somehow, it just doesn't feel like Thanksgiving Day. I wish I were home in cold, slushy Pullman, hanging with the family (and Miaya) and making our traditional Thanksgiving dinner. I miss that. I'm not sure what I'm going to do on Christmas... oh well, be thankful for all things, because in some way or another, they remind us of God and his saving grace.

Okay, and now for that wonderful list of the many things that I am thankful for (in no particular order, and I'm probably forgetting a few)...

*Living on Maui, because it's pretty
*New friends to celebrate with
*Old friends who don't apply 'Out of sight, out of mind'
*And for those who do
*Family that calls and puts me on speaker phone
*Loneliness, because it makes me pray and be more social
*Flannel sheets
*Cute animals, and even the not so cute ones
*Cellphones to call and text people 3000 miles away
*A God who is always bigger than I can imagine, who loves me even when I'm not in a good mood
*My Bible, because it reminds me what I believe and why
*Music, to dance to, to sing to, and to make me think
*Good books, because getting lost in another world is a beautiful thing
*The ability to write epic things, and create pretty things
*Pencils and paper
*Good food, with flavor
*Especially cheese
*And spinach
*And Tetley
*And pie, I like pie :)
*The internet, it's a wonderful thing
*My trusty computer that has never let me down
*Puns and sarcasm
*Money, it comes in handy
*Nature, because it's just beautiful and reveals God
*Airplanes, because they get me where I want to go
*Cars too
*Pain, because it reminds me that I have a functioning nervous system
*Cameras, because they remind me of things that I would otherwise forget
*Maps, because they're fun, and useful
*Cookbooks and recipes, which I would be lost without
*Couches (and the cuddle puddles that occur on them)
*Clean clothes, and a dryer to make jeans fit
*So many more, but I have to get going and enjoy my Thanksgiving dinner, so you're welcome to fill in the blanks :)

Rejoice always,
pray without ceasing,
in everything give thanks; for this
is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you

1 Thessalonians 5:4

22 November 2009

A Joy, Inexplicable

I just (read: last night before going to sleep) realized that I've been living for the future. Waiting until I am smarter, more experienced, have a better job, different co-workers, etc. until I give God my all. I realized that subconsciously I've been thinking that if I only make it to some specific, unknown, point in life, THEN I'll be a witness for Jesus.

I asked myself if there is any reason why I'm not following my own mantra: "whatever you find to do, do it well, as if doing it for the Lord." Why I'm not loving everyone I meet with a joy that isn't of this world and isn't based on circumstances. Why I'm not shining, making them wonder what I've got. Turns out, I didn't have a good answer for myself.

A very wise turtle (:P) once said, yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, and that is why it's called the present.

As cliche as it sounds; carpe diem!

(and yes, I'm writing this down so that I will not forget)

21 November 2009

A tribute, to Simpler Times

God blessed me so much in my childhood.

I miss all my babies. I realized tonight that Miaya is the only one left from the Brunner's lil farm in Long Beach. Pictures and nostalgia are all that's left of those furry and feathery critters that I loved so much.

Oh how times change.

Inner Dialogue

Head: I've been treading water for so long now...
Heart: Then swim!
Head: I don't know how to anymore.
Head: I'm not sure that I ever did...
Heart: Yes you did, you still know how
Head: Apathy is a strong force, so strong in fact, that it would let me drown
Heart: Then fight it!
Head: I don't care enough to fight, it's easier to just exist
Heart: Is that all you want? To just exist?
Head: ...no, I hate it
Heart: Remind me why you aren't swimming forward?
Head: I can't make myself care unless I've got someone poking and prodding me...
Holy Spirit: Be hot, or be cold, do not be lukewarm, or I will spit you out
Head: Hello?
Heart: Finally!
Holy Spirit: The Spirit and the old self are always at war, so that often you do not do what you want to do, and what you want to do, you do not do
Head: Then why bother?
Holy Spirit: Because eternity hangs in the balance. You are a world at war, the side which is fed will triumph
Heart: Apathy muffles the Spirit
Head: I've noticed
Holy Spirit: Friendship towards the world is enmity towards God. You cannot have both
Head: ...I guess that's what my apathy has lead me towards
Heart: So about that swimming...
Head: Please help me, Holy Spirit?
Holy Spirit: Of course, that's why I'm here
Jesus: Don't forget, the world hated me first. And when I died, I died for all your sins, not just a few. I'm bigger than that.
Head: I guess 'thank you' and 'I'm sorry' don't even begin to cover it...
Jesus: Remember, I was human once too; it will do. I love you.
Head: I love you too.
Holy Spirit: Let's take this one stroke at a time, shall we?
Heart: *phew*

15 November 2009

New Favorites

1) I found a wonderful blog recently called Kiss My Spatula which has a plethora of lovely pictures and tasty recipes. The recipe for hummus is particularly delectable (and easy) and with it I created a wonderful sandwich (and yes, it is a knock off from the Green Frog's 'Palouse')

For the hummus, put the following ingredients in a food processor and process:
1 can of garbanzo beans (garbanzo = splendid word)
3 T olive oil
3 cloves of garlic (peeled, of course)
1 1/2 tsp cumin
1/8 tsp tumeric
2-3 T lemon juice (or more)
Salt, pepper, parsley, and cayenne pepper to taste :)

For the sandwich:
Spread one side with cream cheese and the other with hummus
Sandwich in the middle: spinach, radish sprouts, tomato, cheddar cheese, and sliced olives.

That is all, and it made me happy, so I thought I would share.

2) This is a hibiscus in my yard, and it does not relate to anything mentioned above except that, it too, made me happy.

3) Psalm 51 is beautiful. I had forgotten.

4) God is bigger, always, even when I doubt


I am soooooooo good at it.
Would someone please just slap me upside the head?

11 November 2009


I'm in love with this song :) (and no, I don't care if it was written for a cream cheese commercial :P)


08 November 2009

It's a dangerous business, going out your door. You step out onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.

And I must follow, if I can, pursuing it with eager feet, until it joins some larger way where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say.

30 October 2009


Do you ever have those moments in life when you just want to be someone else?

Yeah, me too...

Sometimes I feel so torn. I want to see the world, but I also just want to settle down and not have to deal with the money/time/trouble/stress that goes along with wonder/wander-lust.

Sometimes I wish I had a niche in life. So many places come so very close, but never quite close enough. My Christian friends understand most of me, but then my friends in biology and conservation understand that part of me that my Christian friends never have. It's hard to be a liberal conservative environmentalist Christian zoologist.

Sometimes I just feel bipolar.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be free to be completely me. But then I wonder if that 'me' is actually my old self that needs to be pummeled by the Holy Spirit.

And yet the more time I spend doing nothing, torn between two worlds, the less I get done and the lazier and more apathetic I become.

I don't know who said it first, but someday I want this to fully be my anthem, instead of just a part of it:

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals...

18 October 2009

A wee little surprise, etc...

I was awake at 3:30 on Wednesday, the 14th of October in order to get to the airport in time for my 6:23 flight to Spokane, WA. (The hours between 2 and 4 should be ordained as unholy hours!) Four months have passed since I came to KBCC. I know a lot, and yet have so much I still want to learn!

But that aside, on Thursday, at 5:30 pm I came back to my home of 3 years and surprised everyone but Hannah. The reactions were as good as I had hoped... Brookie followed me around a for a few hours, staring and smiling, after she recovered from her initial wide-eyed shock. Hannah just looked so pleased with herself. It was wonderful to feel loved, I have really missed that.

We went dancing later that night, and it seems I have forgotten how to move my feet. But such is life, it was still fun. I am now just chillin' at The Rock, doing everyone's chores in exchange for room and board for the next 1.5 weeks, reading The Eye of the World, and generally just being lazy.

I had truffle shortbread and tea with Colleen and Jennifer, which was splendidful. Colleen ate with two forks... have I mentioned how very much I love my friends?

So yes, here for 1.5 weeks, then over to the Maui Bird Conservation Center for ~5 months (Lord willing). Please pray that I have Sundays off over there, because after going to church today, I realized that I really need fellowship to be healthy.

And I shall conclude with a quote that I love, and absolutely does not relate:

"...one morning long ago in the quiet of the world, when there was less noise and more green..." (from Tolkein's The Hobbit)

07 October 2009

And another one...

I'm currently reading through Blue Like Jazz, and it's bringing back all those great memories of PBC youth group. Travis and Matt raving about it (and Velvet Elvis (on the list, by the way)). But anyway, those bad/awkward/frustrating memories aside, I think Blue Like Jazz has a few good points. It's kind of nice to read about an author who gets frustrated with traditional American Christianity... it's nice to know I'm not the only one.

One excellent point made by the author was about love; and when you think about it, you think about it in financial metaphors (withholding love, investing in someone, etc.). He talked about how the love of the church has become conditional, withholding if from those we feel need to learn a lesson, or don't deserve it. And when we give love, we expect something in exchange, or give it to feel good about ourselves. I know I'm guilty of that. It made me wonder what would happen if I loved like Jesus loved. He loved the unlovable, the outcasts, and because He genuinely cared about them, they sensed that and responded to it.

I wish I knew how to really love... and receive love... but that's a whole 'nother story.

29 September 2009


I recently had the pleasure of reading the book "My Family and Other Animals" by the world famous naturalist Gerald Durrell. This book covers his childhood on the Greek island of Corfu and all the pets he collected and studied. My personal favorites were the talking Magenpies, Ulysses the owl,and Achilles the tortoise who was obsessed with strawberries. I watched the movie version of this book several years ago and loved it, but had no idea it was a true story. It wasn't until I read the book that I found out just how famous Durrell was, and how much of a pioneer he was in the area of endangered species conservation.

If you want to learn the fine art of adjectives there are only a few books that I would recommend, and "My Family and Other Animals" is at the top of the list. His writing is truly an art form; not to mention quite humorous and reminiscent of my childhood... It made me wish that I could have been born in the time when conservation was such a new and controversial subject, and its pioneers were still alive.

This quote made me laugh: "If naturalists go to heaven [about which there is considerable ecclesiastical doubt], I hope that I will be furnished with a troop of kakapo to amuse me in the evening instead of television."

17 September 2009

What if life were an allegory?
If our old self were truly a man, to refuse or embrace?
If Satan were a beast to be fought with, or a beautiful creature to deny?
If despair were a looming giant?
If hope were our friend who sometimes felt close, and sometimes far away?
If we could walk through the Valley of Death?
If doubt was a place to escape from with the key of promise?
If the demons of temptation that plague us when we are at our weakest or most distracted were something to be wrestled with, or swatted away?
Would this life be easier or harder?
Would we have the courage to fight Satan in hand to hand combat?
Would we run from it all, and hide in the world that is sentenced to be destroyed?
Would we hold hope close, or ignore them?
Would we have the courage and persistence to fight the good fight, and finish the race?

I don't know. But I wish with all my heart that I had the chance to find out.

15 September 2009

News Bites: some more important than others

1. I have prayed about it, talked about it, thought about it, and have decided that I will not be attending graduate school in New Zealand in February. I still really want to, but I don't believe that it is worth my peace of mind. Going $50,000 into debt at age 21 is not a good idea, at least not for yours truly.

2. That said, I'm looking into jobs in New Zealand. Lord willing, I will work there or go to school there, just not this year.

3. I have finished knitting my Gryffindor scarf, and it reaches my knees :)

4. I do believe that by the time I get back to Washington I will not have a tan.

5. It's looking like I will be going to Maui, but for longer than I thought (possibly until March)

6. As of yesterday, I have seen the 7 wonders of the Big Island of Hawai'i. Me and two other interns went up to the top of Mauna Kea ('white mountain') and saw the world's largest astronomical observatory. There are 13 observatories up there, run by 11 different countries. Some of the most famous photos of space have been taken by those telescopes. I was pretty much floored (the lack of oxygen at 13,796 ft. may have played a small roll in this)

My favorite space picture, the horse head nebula in Orion, was taken by the Canada-France-Hawaii Telescope

Bethany and Amanda in front of the Gemini and Canada-France-Hawaii Telescopes!

7. Also yesterday we went mamane picking for KBCC's palila. It took awhile, but we got 5 bags full, and got to see a Hawaiian 'Amakihi and a wild sheep with two lambs :)

8. Written on my arm is 1 Corinthians 6:20, and I think it will stay there for a long time (although I think it's rubbing off on my keyboard)

9. I miss my friends in Pullman so much that it hurts sometimes

10. After discovering Dropkick Murphys, I have also discovered that I really like Flogging Molly. I wish I had known that last year when they came to Pullman :P

11. I'm once again working on a story that I began at age 15. The plot is exploding (in a good way), but the characters need development. Not sure how to do that...

12. is a good number to end on. I need to go get some milk at the military camp.

09 September 2009

Creative implosion

Do you ever have those moments when you've got so much to think about and say that you just... can't. You open your mouth to speak volumes, and nothing comes out but a squeak. So many things to do that you do none of them. Yeah, me too...

*Is it possible to live big by living small?
*Does it honor our Father God when I keep my head down at work, and just work my hardest?
*What do I do with a roadblock that seems to be hindering my entire walk with God?
(especially when I've tried to destroy it, over and over again)
*How do I know for sure where God wants me to be?
*How do I become a fruits of the Spirit basket, when I just feel like a bruised banana?
*I wish I could eloquently express the greatness of my Father.
*I want to know what to do with my life, but every time I say that, a small voice says it's not your life, you gave it away a long time ago.
*I feel like a mealworm beetle, who stubbornly clings to the wilted and gnawed on old apple, when I just want to give it a fresh, new piece.

If we find this picture funny, how much more amusing do you suppose God finds us?

20 August 2009

Mull is a good word

I'm reading through Mere Christianity (again) and found an interesting chapter that applies rather aptly to my life. Lewis was talking about how humans try something new a few times, and then the wonder of it wears off and transforms into a quiet interest. Some people spend their whole lives searching for that wonder over and over again (wonderlust). Some think that this is immature, and that life just isn't all its cracked up to be in adolescence. And Christianity believes that the things off this life are just shadows of the life to come, so this wonder is just a glimpse of the wonders to come.

After mulling this idea over, while sitting on a collapsed lava tube, watching the sun sink low in the Hawaiian sky, I came to an inconclusive conclusion. Maybe that is why I no longer find it glamorous to work with endangered birds; the wonder has tarnished. But, then again, maybe the Lord gave me this 'dream job' to show me that it is not, in fact, my dream; and maybe I'm meant for something else.

I'm not sure yet.

But in the meantime, the 'Alala chicks are pretty dang cute.

Hawai'i is a very pretty place

And God is God, and I'm not.

Thank God :)

23 July 2009

Oh, ya know

Just chillin' in the library, realizing I haven't posted a blog in awhile.

*I got Lilo & Stitch in the mail today (got it off Amazon for $5).
*Figured it would be a good investment, since I am in Hawai'i

*The internet is being stubborn and won't let me post pictures
*I have so many good pictures!
*I need to find an internet cafe!

*I had Kara and Susan over yesterday to watch Kung Fu Panda, eat shortbread, and drink tea.
*It was lovely, almost like home.

*I hiked around Volcanoes National Park on Tuesday.
*Got very sunburned and sore, but got to see white-tailed tropicbirds for the first time!

*There was an epic thunderstorm yesterday, lasted ~3 hours, shook the windows, and soaked me in seconds.
*I wanted to dance in it, but alas, I have no one to dance with.
*I settled for puddle stomping.

*Susan and I have decided that the mapa girls should get on Twitter.
*Or that Mapa Girls should be the name of a band.
*Oh the things you think of when picking waxworms.

*Alana and Dani come out in 3 days.
*Eeeeeeeeee!! :)

*Miss y'all muchly

12 July 2009

An odd realization

So I was sitting around with a bunch of coworkers a couple days ago, and a few of them were going on about all the birds they've seen and worked with, or seen, or studied. Made me feel remarkably inexperienced and insignificant. I came home, and while laying in bed, started thinking. I could achieve all those things if I really want to. I could spend a lot of money and time and study all the fascinating avian fauna of the world. But then again, why? I love them, yes. I find them amazing and beautiful, yes. But there is no actual significance to it, in the long run. And unless I can actually witness to these people who live for the birds (which, by the way, is very, very difficult), I feel like I'm wasting my time working with birds.

*gasp* did Emily just say that?

After thinking long and hard, and not getting much sleep, I've come to the conclusion that I want to work hands on with birds, and animals, but it must have some significance, or I just can't make myself care as much as I know I am capable of. That said, I've decided, one day, I will help start a self-sustaining orphanage somewhere in the world where I can teach people how to take care of their animals and lead a more productive life because of doing so. It's funny, the things that pop into our heads at 9:00 at night. But for some reason, this idea has stuck with me. Strongly. Anybody want to help make it come true?

Crazy? Yes.
Impossible? Nope. Not with God.

26 June 2009

A Day in the Life of an Intern at the KBCC

1. Alarm goes off at 5:27
2. Lay there and contemplate getting up
3. Get up
4. Eat a big breakfast in the pre-sunrise light, because you won't be able to eat until noon
5. Walk to the Brooder office building (BOB)
6. Change into your work clothes behind a green curtain
7. Walk to your assigned barn (FBB1, FBB2, Uppers, or Lowers)
8. Walk down a long dark corridor with doors and one way windows on both sides
9. Check all the birds, write down what they're doing (if it's important)
10. Pick up leaf litter in every aviary (and leftover mamane, berries, and lettuce)
11. Hose down the front, and spray bleach water on it all
12. Rinse it down
13. Put out fresh food and water
14. Wait to see if the bird will come down (silly Palilas!)
15. Do a lot of dishes
16. Meeting on the green carpet in the BOB and tell everybody how your birds are today
17. Lunch! Back to the intern house for an hour
18. Back to your barn to check all the birds again
19. Give out supplementary worms, lettuce, and mamane
20. Do your days chore (i.e. check mosquito netting, or maintenance on waxworm jars, etc.)
21. At 3:00ish back to the BOB to change clothes
22. Back to the intern house
23. All day, hope and pray that the sitting female birds stay sitting, and when you can get around to it, make diets for tomorrow

Yep, that's about it in a nutshell

And this is a female Maui Parrotbill (Mapa), one of my favorite birds so far

17 June 2009


I left home at 3:00 a.m. and got to Hawai'i at 6:50 p.m... and there's a 3 hour time change. So how long I traveled and how much time I lost... I'm not actually sure. Thanks a lot jet lag :P I did manage to talk to one person, on one of my flights, but that's only because he started the conversation. The five girls (4 interns, one seasonal biologist) who picked me up are really nice, but I'm afraid I was so tired I kinda ate dinner and went grocery shopping in zombie mode. The house I'll be living in is pretty nice too, though I get the feeling that clean kitchens are my Achilles heel. Oh well. My bed rocks (which, coming from me, means a heck of a lot). That is to say, I slept well, and it's almost as comfortable as my old bed. Though the time change made me wide awake at 5:30 a.m.... a blessing in disguise it turns out, since that's when I'll have to be getting up every morning.

I'll be cleaning up and organizing this morning (and kicking myself for forgetting my hairbrush) and then going through orientation and paperwork. I get three weeks of training (woot for being thorough) and internet only in one of the building's libraries. I think Artemis will be living here from now on. So yeah, that's about it; it's nice, it's good.... I'm lonely :( Anyway, pictures coming soon.

15 June 2009


Empty room...
So weird
Wendy took Hermione
Phil's taking Ambrosia
Mommy took Calypso
Luggage is really heavy
So much stuff
So much food
Lots of pancakes
And Larabars
Meeting new people
Saying many goodbyes
I'm going to miss y'all
So very much

11 June 2009


God is so very very good

He got me into the grad school of my dreams

He got me into the job/internship of my dreams

He gave me friends who help me make spinach and fresh feta ravioli at 8:30 at night and drink contraband blueberry beer with me (both are excellent, by the way)

He had people give me graduation money, which I can use to buy my plane ticket to Hawaii (dream job location)

So good, all the time

07 June 2009


...was a good day.
Lazy morning, lazy drive
Moscow's Saturday market
Wandering around, pining over yarn
Fresh eggs, fresh spinach, mmm
Oh Co-op, how I love thee
And WinCo, let me count the ways
Home for lunch, beautiful drive
Steak, zucchini, onions, rice
All mixed together
Fresh blueberries for dessert
Reading books on the couch alone
Thunder, moving closer
Rain! Yay! Pouring rain :)
A very wet Phil came to the door
A walk in the rain to the park
Calling Brooke from a small dry spot
Flickering lightning, crashing thunder
Clogged storm drain
Skimboarders utilizing the puddle
Soaking, dripping wet
Hot cocoa and tea, and dry clothes
Phil wearing a pair of my shorts
Oh the unspoken jokes
Much guitar playing and songs
Pita pit was closed, yay pizza!
A crowd of people
Watching Kung-fu Panda
Hermit crab climbed the couch
Hamster rolling around the living room
Talking and enjoying life

Praise God

Life is wonderful

Life is free

04 June 2009

Melissa inspires me. She has decided that everyday this summer she will think of something that she knows nothing about and research it. Thus far she has told me about Cambodia and Pakistan. I have decided to do something similar, but instead research different animal species. Today's animal was a tapir:

A group of tapirs is called a candle.

There are 4 species and they are all endangered.

And there are wooly tapirs (they live in the Andes Mountains).

Baby wooly tapir: I wants!

02 June 2009


I had one this morning, have another one tomorrow afternoon, and just got an e-mail (from a place in Hawaii!!!) asking me to give them times so as to schedule an interview... yeah... I think I'll stop applying for jobs for a bit and see how these pan out.

But Hawaii! Endangered endemic island birds! Gah!!!

Please pray that I get this one, it's pretty much my dream job.


Baby puaiohi

25 May 2009

such and such, and all that jazz

Not exactly sure what that means, but oh well... I went on a trip with the fam today, to Northern Idaho, to the hot springs I went to over spring break. The river was so high that the best spring was flooded, but oh well, the woods were gorgeous (I want to live in them!) and there was a lot of warm stream water to wade in. I took a lot of pictures, but here's a couple of my favorites.

Lil' Blue

I feel like there should be a fairy in this picture...

Oh well, at least I found a Fairy Slipper :)

I found a dipper!

20 May 2009

I'm very discouraged
I'm tired
I think I botched an interview for a job I really want
I want to foster baby kittens
I have no schedule, so I'm becoming lazy
I'm so out of shape

Life is not what I want it to be right now

14 May 2009

On the upside

*God is always, always bigger
*Colleen is living in the Rock now :)
*I have a milkshake, and had an epic hamburger earlier
*I got straight A's my last semester at WSU
*My DARs report is all green now :)
*Sooner than later I'll be able to get my unconditional offer of place at Otago
*Graduation announcements are done, I just need to find some envelopes
*I have $258 to spend on a tattoo
*I have a bike to ride tomorrow
*My friends/siblings are doing great things for God
*I have a new pair of jeans, that actually fit
*Two good books are waiting on the floor for me
*I can work on my novel whenever I want to
*I'm wearing my lucky underwear, hehe :P
*Raisins in my shrimp fritters

Yay for working things out in a blog...

The Place: my bedroom, sitting at my desk

The Time: 10:20 on the night of May 13th

The Scenery: a pile of graduation announcements on my floor, a chocolate Cougar Country milkshake in front of me, piles of pennies on the floor near my now naked door.

Never in my dreams would I have thought that 4 days after I graduated from Washington State University I would be unemployed. Not gonna lie, after applying for something like 23 jobs, it's eating at me, and I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me. *sigh*. Trusting God is becoming a major issue; it's hammered into my head day and night, but my heart is being pretty dang stubborn about accepting it. I want to one day soon be like Job...

Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Job 13:15

This man lost everything he held dear, and he still praised God. But he wasn't without a healthy dose of whining about how he didn't deserve the trouble... however, I really don't think I could handle how God eventually broke Job's pride.

I graduated with straight A's, magna cum laude, so no pride lost there, but maybe this situation is God's way of finally breaking my ever-festering-below-the-surface pride. Because in all reality, taking some time off to just chill and not work isn't all that bad of a prospect, it's because of my pride and where I apparently hold my self worth that I'm angry about being unemployed. (and hey, this is a little better than thunder, a whirlwind, and an angry God)


Okay God, help me wait on you. Not that I have a choice, but going willingly is so much more enjoyable than going kicking and screaming.

30 April 2009

3 things

Reading in 1 Corinthians 14 yesterday and found the verse "our God is not the author of confusion, but of peace..." So even if my mind is in a whirl of confusion, the one who holds me is not a God of chaos. It was so reassuring.

I went to Rico's last night, and sat at the bar, studying anatomy. When I asked the bartender what would be good for a bad cough, he gave me whiskey on the rocks. It did help, and actually tasted pretty good (and amused everyone with me).

Walking down from the financial office in Abelson today I almost stepped on a little male cricket. Using a sandwich bag, I picked him up and carried him home. So Hermione has a new roommate! I think I'll call him Kronos.

28 April 2009


So many things whirling about in my head, I feel like the water underneath a red phalarope's feet...

Graduate school
*Paying for it
*Hate dealing with money
*Getting there
*Being alone
*Only 2 more weeks as an undergrad.
*Graduation craziness (and relatives)
*Saying goodbye to people I love
*Need a job! Amendment... want a job!!
*Finals are kicking my butt
*Presentations scare me
*Uncertainty is overwhelming
*Twitterpated housemates
*Pain and confusion... it's not my fault... is it?
*Parting isn't sweet, it just feels like sorrow
*My heart is becoming bitter, and it tastes bad
*Some love me, some avoid me... why (both)?
*Please, see me as an example of what not to do
*I need to make time
*I've pulled away again
*I need to go back, and give Him my complete trust
*I love Him, and I miss Him



I don't deal with change very well

20 April 2009

Splendid Day

Round 1: It all began with a minor nervous breakdown... but it went up from there. Alana, Brooke, and I went to pick up a one Mr. Aasen, who was sitting on the rocks in front of Boulder Creek apartments, with very messy wet hair. Our first stop was Tri-State, where Alana fixed Phil's hair (yeah faux-hawk). We then went on a great excursion in the shoe department where Alana's "professional" shoes ended up being fancy flip-flops. Silly girl. But Brooke makes a wonderful tough love shopping consultant. And then onward to One World Cafe! I don't like raspberry ice tea all that much, but it was alright. The building was marvelous though! Doors hanging from ceiling, narrow stairs, and wonderful lofts! I got all the way through my ecology notes, and halfway through anatomy. Then came HyperSpud Sports, in which Phil discovered that he'd forgotten about a dinner engagement. Oops. So he left us, sad day! (after a moment of reconciliation between Brooke and Phil). Then the Co-op. I love that store so much. A splendid lunch ensued, and then all kinds of wonderful grocery shopping. I got Wensleydale cheese and grapefruit Juice Squeeze. So tasty! After the tastiness came the mall, WinCo, shirt shopping, and buying marvelous fabric at JoAnn's.

Round 2: We came home around 5:30 and I made a Totoro for Hannah's birthday, whilst studying anatomy.

Round 3: Brooke and I rearranged the whole upstairs (i.e. all the furniture) and built an epic fort/castle! We used 4 couches, one music stand, one fire escape, one tv, and two mattresses. We crammed about 8 people inside and talked for awhile, and it got very warm. I then made cranberry orange scones, we made tea, Phil came back over, and we watched Muppets from Space, inside the tent.

Round 4: We stayed up talking until almost 2 a.m. and then proceeded to drive Phil home. On the corner of B street and Colorado we noticed three shady individuals sitting on the curb. Guess who? Ben, Robbie, and Tom, of course. Who else would sit on the corner, completely sober, asking people what their favorite color was, and taking bets on it. A wonderful end to a wonderful day :)

16 April 2009

On me mind

"Airship Pirate" by Abney Park. Listen to it, and it may just make your day.

The dandelions are everywhere, and they make me happy with their fluffy yellow cheerfulness.

With it [our tongue] we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, this should not be James 3:9-10

This brought to mind Bambi, when Thumper's mom reminded him that if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all. I guess Disney got something right after all.

It's a hard command to follow, but when really attempted, it's actually quite enjoyable for everyone involved.

When a gift is given the credit goes to the giver not the receiver (a good reminder that we can't gain our own salvation)

Next time you make grilled cheese, use smoked gouda and Tillamook extra sharp white. Sharp with a hint of smokiness = mm mm good!

10 April 2009

I dunno

The clock on the wall is clicking
It sounds more like a click than a tick
I'm alone on the couch
My head hurts, a lot
I thought working out
Might make that go away
I was wrong, as usual
My water bottle is broken
If only I weren't so clumsy
Housemates are at the Good Friday Service
I would have gone, really
But energy levels are down again
I should be studying
Or maybe making myself dinner
But energy levels are down again
I wish I cared about school more
At least right now
It would help
I wish I didn't care so much
About certain people
Who say they will call, but never do
I wish I could stop missing him
What do you do
When you lose your best friend
But never understand why?
When they never tell you why
They just disappeared
It's like that Big & Rich song
You never stop loving somebody
You just start loving somebody else
That said, I pray
And thank God for who He is
For the fact that He DIED
On the cross for the world
Suffered more pain than anyone
And for the fact that
He is risen, indeed

02 April 2009

God is having fun lately

Yesterday I got conditional acceptance to the University of Otago. Which means I get to go to Dunedin, NZ to get my Master's degree in Zoology!!!!!!!

Today Alana got a 6 month job working with one of her professors (a job that she really wanted) working on campus and maybe in Uganda!

On Tuesday Sharon got a job working at the rec. center that she's really excited about!

Today Austin got accepted into the SMART program, which makes him and Melissa incredibly happy (just wait, an engagement may be coming soon)!

Yesterday Beth got all her garments done and the fashion show went really well, and the model that she thought she might lose was able to take her o. chem. test this morning!

Yesterday Lizzy got her o. chem. exam grade back: 90!

Dani got accepted to her first choice graduate school, and living arrangements are worked out (and amazing)!

29 March 2009

Earth Hour

So, Earth Hour = a bunch of people (i.e. 1 billion) turning off their lights to save electricity for 1 hour. That's about it. But it's so cool!

At the Rock we turned off the lights, lit a bunch of candles in the living room, sat around, sang, played guitar, and... did some serious interpretive dancing involving zombies, ballerinas, country swing, and the waltz in rolling desk chairs. I did a little bit of homework, yes, but when Janna and Brooke are dancing it out with hoodie capes and spoons, it was kind of difficult...

(and then the boys left and the dancing really started, but that's another story. My abs are sore.)

I know that I sound like a total hippie/conservationist, but oh well, I love it.

Oh, and cool article if you want to know more: http://www.vancouversun.com/news/Canada+goes+dark+Earth+Hour/1440572/story.html

23 March 2009

Moment of Silence...

Cricky the cricket died today


22 March 2009

Spring Equinox 2009 (part 2)

This time it started at 7:00 a.m.
Dad and I went to the U-Haul place
Time and paperwork
Got a dolly for the car
Started towards Kamiah
A dead deer on the side of the road
It moved it's head
It's not dead!
Found a place to park
Young doe with a broken ankle
Poor little creature :(
Carried her to the truck
Fish and game guy stopped
Called a conservation officer
I prayed that she would survive
Onward to Kamiah
By the way, your income tax return
Between 6 and 7 hundred dollars
Praise for provision!
Took some time and a quick tow
To get the car on the dolly
Only the transmission pan is busted
Maybe it can be fixed easily
Payed the fees
Met an 11 year old timber wolf
Hand raised by the people there
Towed the car home
Mom was freaked out
Came home and had tea
Housemates are home!
Went to a concert at Beisley
10th Avenue North
Hawk Nelson
Jeremy Camp
So tired, but it was good
Ran home in the pouring rain
Puddle jumping all the way

20 March 2009

Spring Equinox 2009

It all began at 5:30 a.m.
The sunrise was gorgeous
3.5 hours on a curvy road
Hugging the Clearwater River
Beth doing homework and napping
Jerry Johnson hot springs
Cool old pack bridge
1.5 mile hike on packed snow
But then, steam!
Clamber down a muddy cliff
Hot water fall
Pouring into a hot water pool
Only a few rocks separate us
From the freezing river water
Bathing suits and slick rocks
Soaking in a natural jacuzzi
(Camera decided to take a soak too)
Hiked back for lunch
Started driving home
Rounding a curve, ah! rocks!
Didn't swerve, maybe should have...
*clunk* maybe it went under?
*CLUNK* smoke, smell, stop!
Pink transmission fluid gushing out
My mom is going to kill me
Flagged down a car seconds after
Nice couple
Going to Montana to get... a buffalo
Little lodge and restaurant
So nice, let us use their phone
So many calls!
Yeah, I cried
Tow truck finally came and got us
Nice old guy, no front teeth
Long drive to Kamiah
Almost fell asleep several times
$500 in towing fees
But $175 pity discount
Sorry girlie, transmission is totaled
Amazing Abby picked up me and Beth
Dad and I will get the poor car tomorrow
And now, tea and Planet Earth

Thank you God, for nice people, discounts, and safety

19 March 2009


So, just to get this out there, I hate laziness. I'm a firm believer in working for your keep, be that work be studying, cleaning, researching, helping people, or a myriad of other things. But I realized that unless something horrible happens, this is the last time in my life that I'll have a time in which I have nothing that I have to do. My homework is done. I helped my dad with what we could get done. I made food and have amazing leftovers. And I applied to all the jobs that I could tonight (still have a few to fax, but that's tomorrow).

So yeah.

I'm eating chocolate pudding and watching The Little Mermaid, which I haven't seen since I was 5, because I fell off the trampoline and sprained my wrist. Apart from being alone, a few days of laziness is quite pleasant.

15 March 2009

Happy Pi Day

Two things happened recently that made me realize, yep, I'm a nerd... ain't it great :)


I was reading that verse in Romans 8 that says "For I am persuaded that neither death no life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other crated thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

After the initial subconscious reaction of I love that verse so much came the very conscious thought of no power in the 'verse can stop me


Today is March 14, and in honor of this fact I made an amazing apple pie with pi written on top in cinnamon and sugar.

09 March 2009

The real world....

So I applied to 6 jobs in January and today I got my 6th rejection. It's a little disheartening. I wish those people could know me and know just how strong my desire to work with birds really is. Or know how strong of a work-ethic I have been gifted with. Or know that when I don't have homework and am doing what I want to do, I will work as hard as I possibly can. Granted, I don't have loads of experience, but I can learn; and I can learn fast!

God gave me these desires for a reason, and He'll give me the job that best suits them. Or maybe he wants me to have a crummy job that will allow me to meet someone that really needs His help. God knows.

I even looked the AZA website today and found a few positions that I can apply for. It was a weird and kinda bad deja vu from last summer... but I did find an internship with CRES working with endangered Hawaiian birds. If I could get that job, and get connections with CRES, it would be the closest thing to heaven on earth... at least for this girl... and at least work-wise...

Onwards and upwards

p.s. have I mentioned how endangered endemic island birds rock my world?



New Caledonian Kagu


06 March 2009


If someone had told me last year, or the year before, that in my last semester at WSU:

*I would go dancing at The Beach and CJ's almost every week
*Learn country swing within 2 songs
*Love waltzing
*Learn how to do aerials with a guy I don't know very well
*Go to Rico's quite frequently and learn to love pool
*Give, and ask for, back rubs from a lot of different people
*Like electronic music

yeah, they would have been treated to a good laugh. And yet... it's all so much fun! I wish I'd done most of it sooner.

That is all.

03 March 2009

The whole duty and purpose of man...

I'm such a failure sometimes. I know that even Paul struggled with "what I want to do I do not do, and what I do not want to do, I do!" but at the same time, I can't help but think that once we accept that we need Jesus as our savior, the old man should leave, and the new one will replace it. I get to the point sometimes when I simply loathe my old self so much that I wish with all my heart that I could just vomit myself up. But I know that I can't be rid of it on my own, because as long as I live in this body of sin, I will be bipolar. One side of me wants to serve God with all that I am, love people, not get annoyed, not be worried and afraid, not think about or do things that are unpleasing to the One that saved me, follow God and keep his commandments, because that is my whole duty and purpose in life! And yet the other side is saying no, do what you want, it's your life, have fun and do what feels good, get annoyed, they deserved it, it's way too scary to talk about your faith, no will believe you anyway, you hardly believe it sometimes yourself.


Can I just look in the mirror, say "damn you", and move on to a life that serves God, and God alone? Why can't it be that easy? Why can't I have the faith to make it that easy? It would seem that being finite and human makes it impossible...

But all things are possible with God...

Help me, Lord! I don't want to disappoint you anymore!

28 February 2009

At the moment...

...I'm really stressed out. Turns out I have 3 exams before spring break, and I'm not even close to ready for any of them. Really, who names a muscle pubo-ischio-femoralis externus?! Group projects are something that I have hated ever since I started college... oh why must I care so much?! And yes, hormones make everything ten times worse than they need to be...


Good things:
* I have groceries now
* Totoro is being watched again, love it!
* Robbie came up to the lab with me and helped me run gels
* tea, tea is good
* I'm sitting on my favorite blue and white quilt
* I have a Totoro t-shirt
* Jamie says, and I quote, "Pandas!!!"
* Kiira and Becca are here
* Brian's hat is wonderful
* I have 3 Emilie Autumn songs now
* Blueberry dwarf hamsters
* Hank the Cowdog
* um... that's all that I can come up with, but I'm sure there must be more...

27 February 2009


I haven't watched My Neighbor Totoro since summer 2007, and oh. my. goodness. I'd forgotten just how wonderful it is. Yeah, I know, you're probably thinking "anime, you nerd". I may be a nerd, but really, this movie is so cute... see?

This scene makes me squeal, every time :P

25 February 2009

It's raining today. And I mean really raining. Almost Long Beach rain raining.

I have a cup of tetley with milk and sugar at medium woot (on a scale of 1 to zomg)

There is a blue and white (and oh so warm) quilt wrapped around me.

The rain is dripping off the tips of pine needles just outside my window, in little sparkly drops.

There is a cricket chirping away nearby.

And my anatomy book is open in front of me.


This is me. Love me for it, and in spite of it.

24 February 2009

Making plans...

There are many plans in a man's heart... Prov. 19:21

We all have a lot of plans on what we're doing after graduation, or with our lives, and yet we can't control when our next breath will happen...

Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established. Prov. 16:3

Make your plans with Him, not make your plans, get a heavenly stamp of approval, and move on, for...

When a man's ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. Prov. 16:7

Follow after the Lord, that is our whole duty and purpose. He will take care of the rest. He promised, and it pleases Him to do so.

But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you. Do not fear little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Luke 12:31-32

22 February 2009

Lucky Cricket

Ok, so maybe not so lucky, but when I found him I thought of Cricky in Mulan. Anyway, a couple weeks back I was in the lab, running gels, and almost stepped on a cricket. Weird, since no one works with crickets on Eastlick 2nd floor (at least not that I know of). So I scooped him up in a beaker, covered it with filter paper, and took it home. Cricky now lives with Hermione, and has made a burrow underneath her tea jar house. He likes apples, too. But the best part of the story is that last week I picked up the jar to check on him, and saw that his back was bright white, from the newly grown pair of wings. They hardened quickly and turned lacy brown and black.

There is a cricket chirping in my bedroom :)

19 February 2009

My boys

A couple years back a friend described the UCB boys as "our boys" and on many occasions "my boys". For some reason this irked me greatly. But just recently I've realized that that term is kind of appropriate in my life right now.

I define my boys as the ones that I can see as my brothers in Christ.
The ones who aren't afraid to hug me when I'm having a bad day.
The ones who know how to tease me correctly.
The ones who will walk me home (if I ask).
The ones that are considerate of my feelings.
The ones who aren't afraid to tell me if I look nice.
The ones who make brownies.
The ones who would protect me if I need protection.
The ones who restore my faith in the male half of humanity on a daily basis.
The ones that I can see are becoming gentlemen, and are genuinely striving after our God, despite the failures and struggles.
It's quite inspiring.
They're my boys, they're my brothers.
I love them.

Some are single, some are taken, heck, one of them likes me, but no matter their connections they remain my brothers, first and foremost in my mind. So thanks, boys. I appreciate you more than you'll ever know.

17 February 2009

Aaaand another one bites the dust

I'm happy for them, I really am.

That is all.

16 February 2009

A poem I wrote at CCC (and a wombat :)

Have you ever heard of the Wombat Moon?
When the animals gather in the midst of June?
Numbat, Wallaby, Tiger, and Deer,
To frolic ’neath the celestial sphere

They come from near and very far
Guided by a shining star
For it is a time of gladness and glee
Of happiness and unity

The Luna moth floats in first,
Honeyed tea slakes her thirst,
She rests her green gossamer wings,
And then to the Wombat Moon she sings

On this night the Cat won’t chase the Mouse
Nor does the Lynx stalk the Grouse
The Aardwolf eats not the Ants
Instead all gather paws and dance

The Hyena’s face holds a silly grin
As he waltzes with the Penguin twin
The scent of jasmine floats on the air
And the animals frolic without a care

The Antelope kick up their hooves
The herd of Wildebeesties moves
To whistle upon fanciful flutes
With their playful friends the Bandicoots

This my friend, is the Wombat Moon
A magical time in the midst of June
Where all God’s creatures, both great and small
Gather to dance in the Lunar Ball

Silly girl

Yes, I am a silly girl. I like boys, probably too much for my own good. And for some reason that's where all my conversations with my girl friends have ended up lately. I wish sometimes (often times) that God would make it obvious that He has gifted me with singleness, and then I can roll up my jean legs, kick off the shoes, and run through the fields, focusing on God and what he has for me to do.

But that's not what God has given me.

I know that I have been given a great capacity to love, and especially when I have come close to "being in a relationship" this becomes even more obvious. If I ever find the right guy, I know that I will hold on to him (often literally, I'm sure :P) and love and respect him until death does us part.

I want to be loved, cherished, and pushed into corners and kissed like there's no tomorrow. *sigh*. Yep, I'm a hopeless romantic, and that's all there is to it. Sorry if that was too much information, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. And I know that in this state it's more important than ever to take every thought captive (thanks for reminding me of that, Brooke), so that I can wait on God's timing, believing that He knows who is best for me, and also when is best for the both of us, whoever he is.

Protecting hearts = a very good thing!

15 February 2009

Baby elephants

I love my housemates

Sooooo much

I also love the wonderful boys who, although there is no genetic relationship, I can call my brothers

It's a beautiful thing how God can unite people who otherwise would never have been friends, and probably would have never met each other

I may be cranky and antisocial sometimes. And take homework to Rico's. And not always dance at CJ's. And stand in the corner sometimes. But honestly, I treasure my time with you all, and honestly believe that these years are some of the best of my life.

And yes, baby elephants... and giraffes

12 February 2009

Drips of conciousness

Life is so confusing

And yet at the same time, it's so simple

A robin perched outside my window makes me smile, even as I describe it's fluffyness as an attempt to increase it's boundary layer

Threadless t-shirts rock my... well, technically my torso and shoulders

There is a coracoid process on the subscapular side of the cat scapula, above the glenoid fossa

I have an anatomy lab exam tonight, and now understand why people disappear when they take this class

Someday I want to be kissed while climbing a tree

I like swings a lot, even if they do make me queasy sometimes

Missing people or worrying about them does absolutely nothing unless you do something about it

To myself I am only my dreams, to others I am only my actions

Kittens, ferrets, baby chickens & quails, and hamster piles

Double bergamont earl gray tea is amazing; almost as amazing at Tetley, but not quite

God is outside of time. Think about that one for awhile

He also knows what's best, and complaining is not constructive nor enjoyable to be around

Sunfleck is actually a word. Oh, the possibilities!

Cuddle puddle. I wants one.

08 February 2009


In church today the sermon involved the Holy Spirit coming upon people in extraordinary ways. That said, I had an epiphany which was somewhat unrelated.

A lot of people lately have been telling me that I'm cool, or spunky, or amazing, or smart, etc. Not gonna lie, I tend to not believe it. But during the sermon today I realized that I am actually a rather extraordinary person. Don't take this the wrong way, I haven't suddenly become a narcissist, I've just realized that God has given me a lot of random and rather unique gifts, especially within my circle of Christian friends.

That said, God has made me amazing, but without Him, it means absolutely, positively, zip zero, nada, nothing. I need to use my gifts to serve Him and others in amazing ways, and in areas that are often not given much attention by Christians. Like my major.

So yeah, I don't usually know what to do with myself, but that's okay, because I am not my own, I have been bought with a price.

02 February 2009

This morning dew called life

I prayed yesterday morning (after waking up at 11:00 a.m. oops) and found the song "I Surrender All." I guess I had never actually read the words to that song, because they made me cry when I realized I cling to sooo much of my life. I was called a planner a few weeks ago, and I realized how true that is. If things don't go the way I plan, I whine or get mad. I am such a twit.

I wish that I could control how my graduate school application is reviewed, and make the university accept me into their program. But I can't.

I wish I could control my emotions, and make things work out with certain people, because they really are wonderful. But I can't.

I wish I could be disciplined and self controlled, and beat those perpetual sins into the mud beneath my feet. But I can't.

I wish I could make things work out between all my friends so they stop hurting. But I can't.

I wish that I could control how my job applications are reviewed, and make people give me the job I want. But I can't.

I wish I could control my life. BUT I CAN'T.


In a sense I am trying to do God's job, and when a person does that they are ALWAYS bound for failure. So why do I try? I wish I knew. What I do know is that it needs to stop.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken,
Take me Jesus, take me now.
I surrender all,
I surrender all,
All to thee my blessed Savior
I surrender all

Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.

22 January 2009

Life is Good

So I found out today, that as soon as you wake up in the morning you should thank God for the day and ask him to make it good. It worked for me today, and despite circumstances dictating otherwise... I had a wonderful day :)

That said, I felt the need to show you what makes one half of Em tick:

Are they not beautiful?

15 January 2009

Recipe for Insta Happy

1 grilled cheese sandwich (using Tillamook sharp cheese)
1 bowl warm applesauce with cinnamon on top
1 chilly January day
1-2 sunspots
1 cat (if available)

Put the sandwich and applesauce bowl on a plate and sit down in the sunspot, preferably indoors. Depending on the size and location of the sunspot, you may need 2 of them. Slowly eat the food and bask in the sun. If a cat is available to you, pet it intermittently (they generally don't leave sunspots anyway). Add hugs to taste.

07 January 2009

Oodalalee, oodalalee, golly what a year

New Years Day 2008 my family got up very early, and moved away from Long Beach, WA

Pullman got a lot of snow, so much snow in fact that WSU closed on the 31st of January (and February 1st). First time since Mount St. Helens

I helped build a 4 person igloo at XA

I discovered that I could hula hoop with a spoon on my nose

Started watching Stargate

Rosalie and I started dating on facebook, and we went to pizza, and went and saw Enchanted at Todd Aud. Oh, and that’s when I officially met Snook

Met Brooke

Brian had ridiculous mutton-chops, and then a ridiculous moustache, then he shaved

I took ornithology, and it kind of changed my life

I actually talked about God with a fellow zoology major

Took an amazing blackmail picture of Rosalie and Angela

Had a shortbread making party at 1 a.m. during finals week

I survived organic chemistry and the second half of my year of physics

Rosalie left for California, never to return

Kiira, Alana, Snook, and I went kayaking on the Snake river for Snook’s 21st

Went to Save Our Shire to watch Bridging Babel play, and experienced my first hippie festival. Oh old barns, frisbee in plowed fields, and the smell of pot

Went home for the high school graduation of Rayna, Kelly, and Jonathan

Alana went to Poland

I took Technical Writing in the summer, and finished my English minor

I spent 3 weeks in California with the Staley’s, and survived 107 degree weather

Climbed rocks in Joshua Tree National Park, hugged a Joshua tree and almost hugged a cholla

Added about 15 birds to my life list, and saw a Western Tanager

Saw Hollywood for the first time

Started a blog

I went to a concert with Phil to see Blues Travelers, Collective Soul, and Live. Also went to the Spaghetti Factory and sat in a sweet purple chair. Also went to the sci-fi museum!

Flew home to Pullman, and for the rest of the summer helped Daddy build a house in Palouse.

Mommy and Daddy got two kittens, and we named them Dorian Gray and Pierre Dantes. Such nice kitties.

Grandpa Bill died

Got to see the McKindley-Ward cousins for the first time in 5 years

Fall semester began and there were 8 new girls in The Rock: Janna, Erika, Melissa, Lauren, Liz, Abby, Hannah, and Brooke. Liz and Lauren were late arrivals, but turned out absolutely wonderful.

Fall ’08 semester was the biggest God thing I’ve seen in awhile. We thought it would be a hard semester, and that people wouldn’t get along. God thought otherwise.

A few of us went to the first football game of the year in Seattle at Quest Field. We lost

Rosalie broke up with me because she started working in Hollywood

My first semester ever where my academic courses were all biology classes

I learned how to dance and work out.

I went dancing for the first time at CJ’s… actually I went six times total.

I went to the Highland Games for the first time, and was there all day

Took care of Phil’s guinea pig, Samwise Hamgee

Sylvester jumped out of my arms and was temporarily paralyzed. I had to put him to sleep.

We played with hermit crabs in Invertebrate Zoology lab, so I went and bought a hermit crab, and named her Hermione

Brooke, Phil, and I took co-ownership of a blueberry dwarf hamster, and named her Ambrosia the Precious (nectar of the gods)

Decided to go to graduate school and get my Master’s degree (hopefully in New Zealand)

Had a house sleepover, and left one of the mattresses upstairs

Melissa and Liz had an 80’s themed birthday party. Actually talked to Robbie Love for the first time

Barack Obama got elected the 44th President of the United States on November 4th

Brooke and Janna cut my hair to look like Alice from Twilight, loved it!

I got 6 inch heel, black, lace-up, boots. Everybody had to try them on

Halloween: Hannah and I were vampires and Brooke was a vampire slayer. Beth did my makeup, dark lipstick and everything. I looked amazing, if I do say so myself. We all went dancing

Beth, Brooke, and I ate an entire pumpkin pie with our fingers (minus the crust)

Put a big black X and the word NO on the upstairs door

WSU beat UW in the Applecup, so UW is officially the worst team in the Pac-10

Went ‘home’ for Thanksgiving break and IDed a whole bunch of invertebrates at the beach

Alana and I hung up blue icicle lights inside

We had a house tea party

I drank a lot of tea this semester, a heck of a lot of tea

The night before my 21st birthday Brooke, Robbie, and I went down to the park so I could turn 21 on the swings, in the pouring rain :)

I had a Disney movie night for my birthday

WSU basketball lost to Gonzaga

A bunch of us went to the acoustic battle of the bands and saw Ian, Snook, Chris, and Brian play

Beth, Colleen, Jennifer, and I made chocolate almond shortbread at 2 a.m. during finals

Julie Ann, Chris Akers, Nate, and ZZ graduated

Brian came dancing at CJ’s for the first time

Boys… oh boy….

Alana and I drove to Seattle and stayed with the Kime’s, Broberg’s, and at Grandma’s

We shoveled a foot and a half of snow off Grandma’s roof

Met a second cousin from Minnesota, age 19, named Jason. Great fun

On Christmas day Mr. Broberg drove Alana, Dani, and I to the airport. Alana and Dani flew to China to visit Nicole Norwood. I flew to California.

Rosalie picked me up and we went out to dinner at a French restaurant at The Grove with her Jewish coworker, Mike Dillon, then we went to his apartment and watched Gladiator.

New Years Eve 2008 Rosalie, her roommate Hannah, and I watched Gross Point Blank, popped a bottle of champagne, toasted the New Year, watched the ball fall in New York, and then we watched Emperor’s New Groove.

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